Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
