He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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