Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Randomize
