dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
