and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
