i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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