He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
