Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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