Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
