im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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