After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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