I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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