It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize