you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
