You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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