I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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