fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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