why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
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