What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
