Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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