mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
