Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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