I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
