I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
that's an acceptable place to lick
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
