I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
