That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
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