she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Do you remember whose house we're in?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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