Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
