Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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