I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Randomize
