He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
