Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
