Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
