she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
