dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
