I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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