there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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