I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
