Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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