U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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