You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
My life is pants optional.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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