just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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