You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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