Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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