I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You're a waste of cheezeits
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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