So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You pole danced in your parka.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize
