I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
