I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
God, I missed his penis.
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