Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
