Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
