Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
