What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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