nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
