I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
We need a shit load of segways right now
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
