is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Houston, we have a squirter
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
