Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
