so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
MIDGETS
????
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize