I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I will be naked everywhere
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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