She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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