Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
a search helicopter?!
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She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
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Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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