Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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