is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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