so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
