The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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