If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
