You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
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