do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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