i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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