She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
