OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
so that wasnt chicken after all
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
