You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
only if we run a train.
done.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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