Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
