Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
