what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm passing your future prison.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
