Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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