I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
