Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
wanna go halves on a baby?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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