It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
