if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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