Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize