dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
