dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
